Solo

Solo. You have no one to rely on; just yourself. Right this moment, I decided to go solo.

Every relationship is the investment. This time, I will be doing the failed proof investment; investing on myself.

Alone but not lonely. That’s what I am inspiring myself to become. I want to be comfortable being by myself. I want to be able to love myself a lot to the extend that getting love from other people doesn’t matter anymore.

When you love yourself the most, you are able to remove yourself from the situation that are not treating you right. That’s what I am choosing to believe. Right now, I want to love myself enough so that I know when someone is not treating me right and have the courage to walk away from these situation.

I am not sure if this is the right direction either. After all, there is a thin line between narcissistic person and a person with the self esteem.

So, these are the promises that I am making to myself from today onwards.

First, I have decided to take myself on dates at least twice a month. Just alone time, eating at the cafes that I like, surrounding myself with peace. Or, a self care day that involves facial, lashes and nails getting done. Just pampering myself because I deserve it.

Second, I have decided to exercise regularly. At least 1-2 times a week minimum. Exercise not just to lose weight but also to keep myself fit and healthy. I need to be happy with my own body so that my confidence will shine. I also need to be healthy because there is no one to take care of me if I were to be sick.

Lastly, I have decided to surround myself with positive thinking and leave my negative thoughts behind; even on the bad days, with bad situations or being stuck in bad memories. I will try myself to make every bad situations look good.

After all, the “down” that I am feeling just meant that there is a very big and beautiful “up” moment coming soon.

Every sunset is beautiful and I believe everything will be okay at the end. If it is not okay, this is not the end. So, I will always surround myself with positive thoughts to make my reality beautiful.

What I have learnt from my past is that relationship needs to have healthy boundaries and shouldn’t be about one person sacrificing their happiness for the relationship to last.

I believe that being alone is better than being with the wrong person. So, I have decided to stay solo till the day comes when someone can love me as much as I love myself. Someone who reassure me everyday without me asking for it. Someone, who is going to protect me like I am the most precious person to them. Just like how I will protect them. Someone who can hear my unsaid words and able to comprehend all my feelings.

After all, relationship should be 100%; 100% from them and 100% from me. I have learned that it is never 50/50. They should give their all to me like how I gave my all to them.

Until then, I am good on my own. I will love me better till the day comes where someone can love me better than me. I will continue to love myself and know I am a precious person even when I get into a relationship. Happiness starts from me.