Age count, 21 year old. Officially become an adult yet I am so done with being one. Endless responsibility and stressful work life has forced stopped my life and buried me alive. Now, I am half dead. Well, the only things that still allows me to breath is my friends. So, you could say, I am on friend support and could be gone at any moment.
Everyone envy my life. Living alone and being able to support myself even before I turned 21. No parents to control my life and choices I made. Able to secure a permanent job even before graduated from my poly. Life seems great. All sunshine and rainbow. So, they think that I am being too spoil for not being satisfied with what I have.
But it’s all so wrong. My life isn’t all sunshine and rainbow. The only thing it is filled with is thunder and lightening. Dark and gloomy. Directionless and Pointless. If they could see what is going on my mind for just an hour, they would shed in tears. The life that is sadder than any melodrama could ever be.
Living alone at the foreign country scares me so much. Everyone is unfamiliar to you. Your friends have your back but not as much as how your family has them. Especially when I am so hopeless at asking for help from people, even if they are super close to me.
I have the worst first job ever. Demanding, stressful and overworked. Everyday at work feels like hell. There is no more good working day anymore. Each day is just plain torture. It is just a matter of how much I can withstand today.
I quit my job half a month ago. And they didn’t let me quit. I just have no idea why I am still here. And what i need to do to get out of this work. I don’t know how to strike my best here when my best effort are never recognized. I don’t even know why she still wants me when she thinks of me as an useless lecher.
And you see, not having my mom in this country sucks. Because I don’t even know what to do and how to do. Because no one can guide me. So, I really just wanna run away. Just disappear somewhere.
Last blog, I did mentioned that I am in my first relationship, did i? And guess what, I want to run away from that too. Because in my mind currently, I just want to disappear into thin air. As if I didn’t existed in the very first place.
I need a break from everything. I need some time alone for myself.
They say follow your dreams but what happen if you have no dreams??