The moment I woke up, everything goes wrong. And I find my world crumpling into pieces. I am incompetent, probably stupid and can’t get anything done. All the negative thoughts enter into my brain so hard that I am starting to think I am the problem for everything. I am the reason why my life is in such turmoil. I hate to see myself crumpling into pieces and falling apart. I hate the fact that all I do is shed prides from my tear ducts and have self pity sessions with myself. Sometimes, I hate to be even me. So, I guess it is normal for other to hate me.
May be I got a lot of problems and the biggest one is me. I am the problem. That’t how my train of thoughts is going. Straight into negative ways. Days like this, I really just want to disappear. Like I never existed in the first place. If there is a restart button, I would have press it for all to restart from the beginning. If I could just leave, I would just leave everyone for good. If I could just disappear and be forgotten, I would have choose that paths.
The phones kept ringing and vibrating from calls and messages that I have been receiving. And all I could think about is how to run from everyone. Regretting every life choices that I have make. Wondering is there any thing I have done right for once. Like, even once?
Is the way I have been living wrong? Or am i just having a really shitty day? I am not sure either. May be I am the problem because the whole world can’t be the problem. I am wrong and shitty to this extend. I don’t even know what I want to do with the rest of my life anymore.
The question is… Should I end it while taking the most awful hit which might not let me recover my life anymore? Or should I endure with a grim on the face while dying slowly inside?
Am I taking life too lightly or Am I being push till my limit till I break apart?
I don’t know what to expect from everything. I don’t even know what’s my right anymore or what is right.