Nineteen

There are times when I feel so lost.

Lost in the thoughts. The problems. Choices to be made. Decisions that are done.

Why am I struggling so much with my life? Come on. I am only 19. Not yet an adult. Can’t consider to be a teenager. The age that doesn’t belong to any of the age category.

Because I am 19. I don’t know what is right and what is wrong.

Because I am 19. I am clueless on what should be the priority.

Because I am 19. Everything that I do seems to be wrong. Mistakes.

Because I am 19. My future seems so uncertain and unclear.

19. Not an adult. People doesn’t consider them as teenagers as well.

Expectation society has for them is as high as an adult standard. Yet they treat them just like how they would treat a kid.

My friends say that they are so done with being understanding others.

Me? I tell them that I understand everything and that they should also try so that we can have a better relationship.

But well. Do they really try to understand others? And do I actually understand their position?

The thing is… We all think that we do. Because we are at the age where we think that we are the right and everyone else is wrong. Confident yet insecure. Proud yet feel small.

Because they are 19. And me, I am just 19.

I am just another confused and lost 19. Please don’t expect much from me. It pains me that I can’t live up to your expectation. Don’t relied too much on me. I am not honest about my feelings. Not even to myself. I might hurt you. Without even realizing that I did. You might get mad at me. And I won’t even notice. Not because I don’t care. Just because, I am just that ignorant.

I could really use a wish right now…

https://www.youtube.com/embed/7pmJhMBT6sQ?list=RDI0VTnwsoruU

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